


bullet points

by verdance



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Catra-centric (She-Ra), F/F, Humor??, Hurt/Comfort, Lists, Manic Episode, One Shot, Self-Reflection, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers, bipolar is more implied, kind of catradora, the healing process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25342885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verdance/pseuds/verdance
Summary: Catra writes a list to help manage her emotions at Perfuma's insistence. It goes semi-decent.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	bullet points

**Author's Note:**

> TW: MANIC EPISODES MENTIONED
> 
> this is also on ffnet under the same name.

**bullet points**

* * *

I was told this would help "regulate" my emotions. In all honesty, I think this is kind of dumb, but whatever. There's no harm in trying, right? Heh.

• Sometimes I feel like everyone hates me.

• I get sad over stupid things that have no use being sad over.

• It sucks knowing I won't ever feel "normal" again.

• Sometimes I wonder if I ever was "normal" in the first place. Like, do I process emotions like a normal person? I wouldn't know because I can't just jump into another person's head and think the thoughts they think or see the world the way they do. Yeah, I can empathize, but no two experiences are ever the same.

• I'm sad.

• There are times where I can't focus, then I realize I'm most likely manic and I need sleep.

• When I think I have a level head; I usually don't. Like, I'll think I understand the world, but then I sleep and wake up wondering why I thought doing a stupid, illogical thing was a good idea.

• It hurts to write. Not physically-speaking, just emotionally.

• I throw pity-parties for myself.

• Lists are much easier to make.

• All I want is someone to hold me, but I don't want to come off as weak so when I cry I try to make sure my sobs are as soft as possible and turn up the music in case someone is listening in.

• There are people so much smarter than me and they read articles and educate themselves, but articles get depressing. Or the articles are too happy and it makes my head hurt because how can people be that happy? What does it feel like to be genuinely happy?

~~• I should educate myself.~~

~~• I should do more.~~

~~• Be productive.~~

• What does true stability feel like?

• Do I deserve love?

• This is sad. I need to stop.

Breathe. I just need to breathe and calm down. What was it Perfuma said to do? Count? No, that was for something different. I hate when my thoughts get all jumbled up and become a mess. That's when I really can't focus. Wow. Can't do the things I usually do. It's like I don't know how to function. Or I start something then stop because my mind decides to go in ten million different directions. Which means I need sleep, but I also need a schedule and schedules aren't fun. But apparently I need one.

Nice things. Things I like. What are nice things that I like?

• I love Adora. And I guess Bow and Glimmer aren't the worst people to be around.

• Melog.

• I like the sun. It's pretty okay.

• And sparring is fun, especially when I catch Adora off guard.

• Melog is nice to hold during thunderstorms.

• And ... And?

• Why am I writing this?

• It hasn't helped.

• "Think positive!" as Perfuma would say. She's the one that made me write this stupid bullet point list in the first place.

• Part of me wants to scratch this out, but there's no point in ignoring it: I was terrible to Scorpia. And I know she forgave me, but I still feel weird. There's no easy fix for stuff like that. It wasn't just her I hurt either.

• I don't want to be like Shadow Weaver. I don't want to hurt people. Not anymore.

• And Shadow Weaver? I loved her, I mean, I do, but she was Shadow Weaver. It'd be so much easier if I could hate her or feel nothing for her. No happiness. No remorse. No anger. Nothing. What love did she ever show me?

• I'm done. I don't want to write anymore.

• I'll write another day.

Perfuma said it was alright if I decided not to share my thoughts right now since this is personal. She said some other stuff about energy and the atmosphere, but I zoned out after she mentioned abandonment issues and favoritism.

There was something important she told me. What'd she say? I should have written it down. What was it? Something about healing and lines. Did it have to do with math? No, I don't think that's right. Of course I forget the one important thing she told me before I got around to making this list. If I don't figure it out soon, it's going to bother me.

Okay. Maybe it wasn't important. Maybe it was insignificant and that's why I don't remember it.

Think.

Uh, count down backwards.

_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six ..._

What's dinner going to be? Is Wrong Hordak making dinner?

_... Five, four ..._

Focus, Catra.

_... Three, two ..._

How does Bow make those action figures? Does it take a long time to make them? Is Glimmer bored? She _is_ in a meeting and it's with some old, condescending geezer. I kinda wanna watch that meeting. It sounds entertaining.

What's Adora doing? Probably making finger guns at herself in the mirror.

Wait, I'm supposed to be thinking about what Perfuma said.

_... One._

Great. Now I probably won't ever remember what Perfuma said. This list is stupid anyways.

_\- Catra_

**(~)**

**"Healing isn't linear."**

**(~)**

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this. it's kinda personal lol.
> 
> reviews are welcome :)


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